Do you watch videos of performances you’ve given? Or re-read writings that you’ve published or submitted? I tend not to once the performance or work is completed. I’ll watch rehearsal videos, but not performance ones. I’ll re-read drafts of writings, but not the final product (after submission, at least). I know performers who will re-watch their performances, and I think you can learn and improve by doing so – but I don’t like to. I can’t change that performance or writing, so I don’t want to cringe at my mistakes or wish that I had made different choices.

I’ve been involved with community theatre since I was five, so I’ve met a lot of different types of performers. There’s people like me who will cringe away from re-watching after the show is done. There’s people who will watch the video right after the performances are over for some reason beyond my comprehension. There’s even people whose young kids like the show so much that it become the DVD played twenty times a week (as young kids do). I’ve never watched a full video of a show that I’ve been in in over twenty years. The only time I watched the video of one of my dance recitals was when there was an after-recital party to do so. I’m sure I could learn so much about my performances and improve if I would watch them, but there’s no part of me that doesn’t cringe away from the idea of watching myself perform.

This applies to most artistic endeavors for me – like I said, I won’t re-read writings that I can’t change. The more I put into a piece of art, the more I’ll avoid it after I can’t change it any more. I had an academic essay published at 18 – poured myself into the work of writing it. It was a part of a big passion piece in collaboration with many others. It was only years down the road that I really began to comprehend just how much I didn’t know about writing that sort of essay with others. I’ve never read the published version of that essay even though I read the rest of the book. I’ll never get rid of the book, but I also don’t think I’ll ever read the final version of my contribution.